


One Day

by claritylore



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Depression, Doctor Who References, First Time, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Ianto Jones Backstory, Ianto Jones Needs a Hug, M/M, Sad, Spoilers Omitted from Tags, Star-crossed, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Torchwood One
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:01:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28900824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/claritylore/pseuds/claritylore
Summary: Toshiko's mind-reading pendant picks up on some strange and disturbing thoughts coming from the tea boy. Jack doesn't know him all that well, and has no idea what to do really, but he's not about to let someone on his team do something stupid.Suddenly, the clock is ticking... can Jack figure out how to bring Ianto back from the brink before their time is up?
Relationships: Estelle Cole/Jack Harkness, Jack Harkness & Rose Tyler, Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Lisa Hallett/Ianto Jones
Comments: 8
Kudos: 65





	One Day

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in early Season One, in an AU divergent universe where Ianto smuggled his Cyberwoman girlfriend Lisa Hallett onto the base... but a power outage killed her before anyone ever discovered that she was there. 
> 
> ARCHIVE NOTE: This fic was originally written back in 2007, now rescued and reposted here for safekeeping.

Ianto let the smallest of small smiles touch his lips. This had been the right thing to do. Even if it was a huge cliché to want to see the sunrise one last time.

It was beautiful. Breathtaking even.

 _My last sunrise,_ he thought, and smiled a little more. It felt like the first time he’d smiled in months.

He looked down to the pavement below with morbid curiosity. Sitting on the decorative beam sticking out at the top of the building, dangling his legs in the air on either side, it felt a lot like he was floating. Nothing holding him there. That was a summary of his life in a way.

Ianto felt no fear whatsoever. Everything was still and calm. He didn’t really think that he’d experience much after death but he hoped at least for peace. That was all he really wanted. Peace, forever. _With her._

The sun was casting beautiful colours over everything. He realised, with some surprise, that there were tears in his eyes. Ianto stared into the burning orange orb bringing the city to life and, for the first time, he was able to remember without pain spreading through his chest.

It was nearly four months to the day since it happened.

Power supplies across the entire city had been knocked out by an electromagnetic pulse, emitted by an alien spaceship as it crashed. The base was completely rendered dead. Ianto had done his best to stay calm and help the team deal with the wreckage and alien bodies, all the while telling himself that Lisa would be fine because he had installed back-up generators to her unit almost as soon as he’d arrived there. He had been so certain would be fine.

Except she wasn’t fine. She had died.

Died, in that dark dank basement, all alone. Ianto couldn’t describe his devastation when he had stumbled down there. He’d screamed and wailed and pleaded with her not to be dead. When his voice echoed away down the corridors he was left with nothing.

Over the next few days he had painstakingly spent his nights removing the metal exoskeleton fixed to her body, trying to restore her to some semblance of the human being she was inside, and would have been again if she had lived. Then he had smuggled her body out of Torchwood and paid a fortune for her to be buried properly in a glorious casket filled with satin.

Ianto put flowers on her grave first thing every morning and told her everything about his days.

He continued doing his job as always. Back to playing waiter and janitor. If the fire had gone from his eyes, nobody noticed. If he couldn’t smile anymore, nobody cared. If he wasn’t able to sleep or eat much, nobody minded.

Then one day, Ianto realised he had nothing to tell Lisa anymore. He said nothing to her anymore. For that matter, he rarely spoke to the others either. Again, nobody noticed. But that was okay.

It wasn’t always relentlessly like that. He remembered the time, only a few weeks ago, when he had been taken on a camping trip with the team. At first Ianto had felt a certain amount of curiosity over this. The thought occurred that perhaps he had been too quick to judge them, and maybe he was considered one more than just the coffee boy after all. Maybe he was one of the team. Maybe he would have something to tell Lisa about after all, something she’d be proud of, when they got back to Cardiff.

Then he’d been thrown a bunch of packed up tents while they had sat around together, laughing as they named the people they’d last snogged, waiting around for him to put them up. None of them thanked him either. That had ended that tiny spark of hope right there and then. Obviously, they had only brought him along to put up the tents and keep them fed. Why else?

That particular trip brought up some memories which would normally sting. Rather than the aliens they were expecting, they had run into cannibals. He’d been caught and, after distracting the monsters long enough for Toshiko to escape, he had been knocked out, tied up and beaten up with a baseball bat. That had been bad. Frightening. But when he felt the blade of a meat cleaver against his neck and dirty fingers gripping his head, he realised he had no reason to fight back. Ianto had slid his eyes closed and made peace with the cold steel.

Jack had come to the rescue of course, just in the nick of time. The thing was, Ianto hadn’t wanted him to. He really hadn’t.

With everybody so tired and shaken, Ianto had dropped them all off home one by one and taken Jack back to the Hub. He’d parked the SUV, secured the base and quite literally staggered home. Once there he had looked at the map of bruises on his back in the mirror and found himself laughing. They hurt so much, but the joke was, he really didn’t care.

He’d lay awake all night that night, staring at the ceiling, making plans. Once the decision was made everything seemed remarkably easy. All the little complexities of life went away.

Ianto went about his duties as ever he did, giving himself two weeks to meticulously plan everything out. He even researched possible replacement employees and compiled a detailed dossier to leave behind for the Captain to read though. Step by step everything was prepared. He grew more and more ready.

Though he knew it wasn’t the most selfless way to go, jumping from a building, Ianto decided that this was one time he was going to do what he wanted without worrying about whoever would have to, quite literally, pick up the pieces. He had a right to one last selfish act. Ianto wanted to go this way because it would be painless. Just one exquisite moment of flight and then nothing. Beautiful kind of, like the sunrise.

_Not too long now._

‘Don’t move.’

A sharp voice brought him out of his calming reverie. It made him wince a little. Ianto slowly turned around and frowned to see Jack standing there, invading his private moment. He turned back around and, not quite sure what to do, decided to just block his presence out.

‘Are you going to tell me what you’re doing up here?’

_Ignore him. He doesn’t exist anymore. He’ll pass away like everything else._

‘Ianto?’ Jack stepped forwards, wondering whether he’d be able to grab him and pull him back without him struggling. ‘Don’t ignore me. I know you don’t really want to do this.’

‘Yes I do,’ Ianto assured him, cooly.

‘No you don’t.’

He turned around to him again, expression vague. ‘Then why am I up here?’

Jack looked momentarily horrified but managed to push it down. ‘This is just uh... just one of those cries for help. And I’m here, now, so let me help you.’

‘Generally a cry for help would involve a certain amount of, I don’t know, crying.’ Ianto frowned. ‘On that subject, how did you know...?’

‘Toshiko. Her pendant.’ He pulled it out of his shirt to show him he was wearing it.

‘Oh.’

‘Yes. Oh.’ Jack didn’t care to remember how surprised he had been when she had come into his office and asked if Ianto was being reassigned. His thoughts, which she had tuned into through the pendant, had been filled with notions of him leaving, doing things for the last time, counting away the time until he was gone. Jack had only put it together when she had said was also thinking about pain he couldn’t live with anymore and something about funeral arrangements.

Finding no trace of him on the CCTV cameras anywhere, he rushed off and ended up going all over Cardiff, wearing the pendant, trying to tune into him. It took all night but finally he’d found him. Just in time it seemed.

‘Are you going to explain to me what all this is about?’

Ianto shook his head, blankly. ‘Why would I?’

‘Why? Because I happen to be your fr... boss.’

_Not a friend. Just a boss. Just a boss. He is nothing to me as I am nothing to him. Nothing to him and nothing to anyone soon._

‘That’s not true, you are something to me.’

Instantly Ianto’s mind shuttered down and the voice inside it grew weaker. Jack could sense displeasure over the invasion. ‘As you would have discovered tomorrow, I have compiled a list of suitable replacements for you to interview. I’m sorry for the inconvenience, Sir. Now, I would be extremely grateful if you would give me some privacy...’

‘Privacy? So you can kill yourself?’ Jack choked, incredulously.

‘If you wouldn’t mind.’

He sighed, trying to figure out what to do. ‘Why are you doing this? Please, just tell me, and maybe I can fix whatever’s wrong.’

_Fix it so the cybermen never hurt her. Fix it so I mean something to somebody. Fix it so I never met you. Fix it so I’m not just so worthless to you all. Fix the bruises so they don’t hurt anymore. Fix it so somebody would care if I died. Fix me._

Jack took in the explosion of words coming through, a piece at a time, trying to make sense of it all. When he had been listening in before, trying to find him in the building, he had heard him thinking about someone called Lisa. She had to be something to do with this, he decided. ‘Tell me about Lisa,’ he said, with caution.

‘It’s not important.’ Ianto dragged in a deep breath like it was the hardest task in the world. ‘She’s dead. And it’s over.’

_No purpose. I only came here, to this empty job, this empty city, to give her a chance to live. Now she’s gone. My future is dead._

‘Then I’m sorry for your loss. But you can’t do this. We need you Ianto. I know I don’t tell you this often but we need you. You must know that?’

_They’d miss me until they figured out the coffee machine. Then nothing. No more._

That winded Jack a little. It made him strangely angry too. ‘There’s nothing, you know,’ he snapped. ‘When you die. No angels. No heaven. You just die.’

‘I know that.’

_Not completely empty. She doesn’t let it be empty..._

‘It’s empty, that much I can promise you.’ Jack kneeled down at the edge, staring at him intently, willing him back. ‘Doesn’t that scare you?’

_Nothing scares me anymore._

‘Ianto please. Please don’t do this. What if...’ Jack struggled with himself, trying to find a path through the mess of frightened thoughts filling his mind. ‘What if I could help?’

‘You can’t.’

‘No I mean... Look, just give me one day. That’s all I ask. You can delay this for one day. If I can’t prove to you that you have something to live for, then I’ll step back and I won’t stand in your way if you still want to jump. I promise.’

Ianto’s mind went blank to him for a few moments as he stared off into the distance.

‘Please?’

Slowly Ianto rose to his feet, standing precariously on the beam, looking down. For one terrible moment Jack thought he was going to go through with it. But then he turned around to him. ‘One day. And you’ll let me do this alone, in peace?’

‘I promise.’

‘Take that pendant off.’

Jack did exactly as he was told without further thought. He held it up for him to see it was no longer attached to him and stuffed it into his pocket.

Finally, Ianto slowly walked back onto the roof. The moment he hit safety Jack released the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding and grabbed him in what almost constituted a flying leap. They fell sideways and hit the deck together.

‘That was unnecessary,’ Ianto commented.

Jack had never disagreed more with anybody in his life. His heavy breathing and trembling hands testified to that.

***

‘Take a nap,’ Jack ordered, softly, bringing a blanket over.

Ianto regarded him curiously.

‘We have a long day ahead of us. I don’t want you to get sleepy.’ He gently pushed him towards the couch and encouraged him to lie down on it. Having no pillow to hand, Jack took off his greatcoat, wrapped it in a bundle and put it under Ianto’s head. Then he laid the blanket over him. ‘I’ll wake you before the others come, don’t worry.’  
  
‘I’m not really...’

‘Please? Just a few hours.’

After a moment, during which Ianto seemed to contemplate protesting more, he gave him a tight lipped nod and made himself comfortable. Jack lingered long enough to see him close his eyes and relax down, then went to the computers.

Panic spread through him. The fact was, he hadn’t the first clue what he intended to do to try and convince Ianto not to kill himself. He had been making it all up on the fly. Jack knew absolutely nothing about the guy, except that he made great coffee, didn’t really say much (or at least not lately) and looked extraordinary in a suit.

He cast his gaze over the sleeping figure on the couch and felt nothing but incredulity. If it hadn’t have been for Mary and Toshiko, Ianto would be dead at this very minute. Splattered across the pavement in the rain. One minute there, the next gone.

What kind of boss was he that all his employees seemed to be on the verge of suicide?

Suzie shooting herself in the head, now that seemed like bad luck, but to have his receptionist trying to leap to his death just four months later looked like carelessness.

Jack had to figure out what to do (aside from making a mental note to do some psych evaluations on the other three pronto). The vaguest contemplation of somehow chaining Ianto to something or putting him in one of the cells crossed his mind. Oddly enough though, he knew that would be the easy way out. The idea of actually having to convince the man not to jump was actually quite a frightening prospect, not least since Jack couldn’t claim not to have stood in similar places more than once and contemplated it himself.

He shook himself out of his thoughts and got to work. Jack pulled up every file and record on Ianto he could find, ninety per cent of which he had either skipped idly through or not read at all. He borrowed a notepad and pen from Toshiko’s drawer and scribbled down a gameplan.

Every now and then his eyes were drawn to Ianto, who frankly just looked cuter and cuter as the time wore on, snuggling into his greatcoat, long fingers wrapping around the soft wool. Jack found himself wondering what he would have been like as a child, wondering what Ianto’s parents would think if they knew what he had come to, if he had any. The files were not forthcoming in that area.

Curiosity began to build up with every page though and after a good hour of research, making exceptional use of Google, he had a list of numbers to call; some to check his information, some for bookings. Jack decided to go up to his office to do the calling around. Ianto looked too cute to disturb.

When he returned, however, Ianto was awake and sitting on the seat with an expression Jack recognised all too well. It was the one he always found staring back at him in the mirror whenever he had been woken by a nightmare.

Haunted.

The moment he realised he was not alone it disappeared, only to be replaced by an impassive mask. Jack kept his understanding wince small and elected to pretend that he saw nothing.

‘It’s gone seven,’ Ianto said and stood up. He folded the blanket with far more care than it was worth, laying down. Then he picked up the greatcoat and smoothed it out, picking off any stray fluff or hair.

Jack just stood and watched him for the entirety of the two minutes it took for him to pronounce it blemish-free and hand it over. He couldn’t quite square the person meticulously tending to his coat with the man who had been sitting astride a beam seventy feet from the ground with the intention of leaping off only a few hours before. ‘Thank you,’ he said, sounding a bit perplexed. ‘So. You ready to go?’

‘Go where?’

‘We’re going for a drive.’

That made him frown. ‘But what about...?’

‘You and I have the day off. I’ve put Owen in charge.’ Jack wandered across the Hub and turned to beckon him to follow when he sensed he was going alone.

‘Owen?’ Ianto straightened his clothes and went after him. ‘Cardiff is doomed.’

Jack grinned. He was probably right.

Only as they reached the gates did he realise he hadn’t quite planned for everything. ‘You did bring your car, didn’t you?’ he asked.

Ianto shook his head, gravely. ‘I sold it yesterday.’ At the look Jack gave him, he shrugged. ‘As they say, you can’t take it with you, Sir.’

Jack frowned as he took him by the arm and led him aside to go take the SUV instead. He waited until they were in the vehicle and all buckled up to ask his next question. ‘Don’t you have any next of kin?’

After a long moment of silence, Ianto sighed. ‘No one I’d give my car to,’ he said, in a very subdued tone of voice. ‘No, there’s no one. Sorry.’

‘Sorry? Why are you sorry?’

‘You... must think I’m pathetic.’ A bitter little smile curled his lips but it didn’t reach his eyes.

‘You’re not the first person who’s wanted to jump off a building.’ That Jack could say with absolute certainty.

‘Not because of that. Because...’ he sighed again and rested his head back, staring out of the window. ‘Never mind.’

The majority of their journey passed in silence, broken only by Owen calling up to complain about them taking the SUV. Ianto watched the scenery pass by with a strange concentration, never once asking Jack where they were going until they were a fair way there. Then he looked perplexed.  
  
‘What?’ Jack asked, after a bit. ‘Recognise the scenery?’

‘I recognise the signposts. Where are we going?’

‘To a village - I can’t pronounce the name - which apparently serves the best pint of Welsh Bitter you’re ever likely to find this side of Newport.’

A faint smile just about made it onto Ianto’s face. ‘It’s brewed at the Warcop brewery but the pub owner does something to it, not sure what. Gives it an edge.’ He turned to Jack, regarding him like a puzzle he couldn’t figure out. ‘Why are we going to Rheddlanddi?’

‘I was hoping for a tour from someone who knows the place well. You grew up there, right?’

‘There’s not much to see.’

‘Oh I’m sure there’s plenty.’

Ianto frowned deeply. ‘Why are you doing this? You must have more important things to do.’

‘You’re more important to me than all that. I’m doing this to make you see that.’

For some reason, that only earned him a glare. But once Ianto had turned aside in order to put his back to him, he could see him in the wingmirror, smiling a little like he was touched. It made Jack smile too.

He drove them to the edge of the village and parked the SUV at the side of the road, under some low hanging trees. Ianto took off his tie and jacket, apparently deeming them inappropriate for a stroll. He unfastened his top two buttons and smoothed down his waistcoat. This prompted Jack to leave his greatcoat behind and take off his secondary bomber jacket. It was a fairly warm day after all and it felt more natural to be down to his shirt and braces.

‘So, what now?’ Ianto asked.

‘Show me the sights,’ Jack replied, with an easy grin. ‘The pub is a must, though I’d quite like to see the church as well, since you were a choirboy there and all.’

Ianto seemed be fighting a blush of embarrassment. ‘That isn’t in my files.’

‘No but if you Google your name, on the third page there is a website for a regional choir yours joined up with on occasion for big events. It lists your name as a former soloist. I found the name of this village out from there.’

‘So that’s how you knew. I did wonder.’

Jack opened his mouth to ask why so many of the standard details were inadvertently missing from Ianto’s records but thought better of it.

‘I’m not hiding anything,’ Ianto said, apparently reading his mind anyway, looking at him out of the corner of his eye. ‘I just value my privacy.’

‘I can relate to that.’ He shrugged and wandered into the middle of the country-lane road. The air was pungent with the smell of honeysuckle and manure, as most British villages tended to be. Jack quite liked it; it reminded him of Estelle’s garden a little, since she was always into lots of smelly flowers and greenery. That conjured some very happy memories, and a few not so happy ones considering where she died.

‘Closest to here is the church. The pub is just down the road and round the corner from that.’

‘What about where you used to live?’

A bad memory passed across Ianto’s eyes. ‘Gone.’ He cleared his throat and quickly moved to set off, knowing that to hang around would invite some discomfort between them. Since Jack had dropped everything to drive him all the way out there, he thought it only polite to play along and do as he said. Inside Ianto felt certain it wouldn’t make a difference in the end; it was his time to go and go he would, whatever Jack did to try and persuade him out of it.

A flicker of something like nervousness went through him and then gave way to annoyance. Jack had no right to bring him there, with no consideration for the possibility that it might be a big deal for him; that maybe he hadn’t ever intended to return. Typical Captain Harkness, blundering in without a second thought.

Except Ianto knew that his boss had given this a second thought. Clearly Jack had thought this all through quite thoroughly and probably made plans for the whole day. That muted his anger enough not to say anything but he couldn’t help feel it welling up inside.

At least nobody would recognise him. Not in his tailored clothes, with his perfectly cut hair or pristine nails. Nobody would make a fuss and he would be gone soon enough. Like none of it happened.

‘Alright, let’s go.’

Jack regarded him curiously, as though he’d been watching him wrestle with his judgement over this, before nodding. ‘Lead the way.’

They wandered down the lanes together, side by side, though Ianto kept his distance carefully measured away from Jack, at a level permissible for strangers and nothing more. Ianto showed him the village church briefly, steering him away from the belfry for fear that the old photograph of him and his choir in their cassocks would still be there and getting him out quickly in case Father Goddard was still there somewhere. Next they wandered off towards the pub.

Ianto slowed as they reached the bridge over the brook, smiling a little. He leaned over the side to look at the water below. Jack followed him, curiously, doing his best not to notice the way the lovely curve of Ianto’s ass was accentuated by his position.

‘We used to play a game here as kids,’ Ianto explained quietly. ‘Not much else to do around here.’

‘What was that?’

Impulsively, he pulled a stalk off the willow tree leaning over them and indicated with his expression that Jack should do the same. He bit some holes into the leaves of his twig, apparently oblivious to how bizarre that seemed to Jack.

‘We have to drop them at the same time. Okay? One... two... three.’

The moment they landed in the water, Ianto took off running across the road over to the other side of the bridge. Jack turned and walked over, watching with him.

‘Whoever’s twig comes through under the bridge first is the winner.’

‘Oh? And what’s the prize?’

Ianto shrugged and smiled. ‘Don’t suppose it matters.’

They waited for over a minute, watching the water, but neither appeared.

‘Reckon they’re stuck?’ Jack whispered.

‘Maybe... Oh wait, look.’ He pointed down at the twigs, now both entwined and drifting along together.

‘What does that mean? A draw?’

‘It means your twig is a cheat,’ Ianto accused, folding his arms, playfully being mock-angry.

‘Oh yeah? Didn’t look that way to me.’ Jack decided to fight his corner on this vastly important matter. ‘Looked to me like your twig was the one piggy-backing its way through. Either that or it was attracted to my twig.’

One of Ianto’s eyebrows went impossibly high on his forehead. ‘Are you saying my twig is gay?’

Jack couldn’t hold up the pretence. He started laughing and was relieved by the way Ianto joined in chuckling.

‘I wish,’ Jack couldn’t help but mutter.

Ianto gave him a very curious, slightly guarded look and then continued along the road. ‘The pub is this way.’

They went further into the pleasant little village and soon came to said pub, which Jack was amused no end to discover was called the Hen and Cock. Once inside, they ordered drinks; a pint for Ianto and water for Jack, though he intended to take a sip or two of the bitter for educational purposes.

They took a seat in the corner and Ianto explained about the beer and his suspicions that it was in the make of barrel the landlord used. That was when the landlord came over to them, looking at Ianto curiously.

‘Excuse me, Sirs.’ He gave him a searching stare, which made Ianto turn away a little, feeling queasy. ‘You wouldn’t happen to be Ruddy Jones’ boy, would you?’

‘No. Not me,’ he replied, quietly.

‘Ianto! I knew it was you! As I live and breathe!’ The man turned and called back to the bar. ‘Hey, Martha, come look who’s come back, after all these years!’ The red-faced, pot-bellied old man gave Jack a grin. ‘And who’s your friend?’

‘I’m sorry, you’re mistak...’

‘Captain Jack Harkness,’ Jack cut in, giving him the sixty watt grin and standing up to shake his hand. ‘It’s a pleasure.’

‘What’s up Harry?’ A large woman came out from behind the bar and went up to them.

‘It’s Ruddy’s boy! Come back after all these years.’

‘Ianto? Ianto Jones!’ The next thing he knew he was being smothered between her not inconsiderable breasts. ‘Get a look at you boy. Oo, so refined! I’d never have known it was you. Cleans up good, dun’e? And bloody ‘ell you look young for your years!’

Ianto held his breath, wondering what he could say to have her get the hell away from him, but let it out when Jack introduced himself and literally dazzled her into incoherency.

‘Oh but it’s terrible ‘bout your Pa, lad,’ Harry said, patting him on the shoulder. ‘We miss him round here. Hardly seems like yesterday he was in that corner, smoking away, drinking his beers, bless his heart.’

Though he tried, Ianto couldn’t really conjure up much more than a weak smile. This was not something he had wanted to happen. Not in front Jack, who was already giving him some guarded looks of concern.

Harry seemed to notice the cold shoulder. ‘Hit him hard, you know, you running off like that without telling anyone.’

‘Yes, I’m sure it did.’ Ianto picked up his pint and downed half of it. Then he practically leapt out of his seat. ‘Sorry, Harry, we’re in a hurry. I just wanted to stop by one last time. It was nice to see you. You too Martha.’

He hightailed it out of the door. Jack gave them a shrug and went after them. He had to run to catch up with him, since Ianto was powerwalking back the way they came. ‘What was all that about?’

‘You... You don’t think, do you? You never think.’

‘Huh?’

Ianto stopped, took a moment apparently to compose himself and then glared at Jack. ‘Did it not occur to you that maybe there’s a reason I never come here? Evidently not.’

‘I... I’m sorry, I thought...’

‘Yes, well, it doesn’t matter. Let’s just get out of here.’ He took a deep breath, determined not to be angry at Jack, when he knew it wasn’t really him he was pissed off at. It was more his own lack of self-control. And his own bad judgement in letting Jack talk him into this stroll.

Jack looked at him for a long time and then stepped towards him. A hand came to rest on his shoulder. ‘What happened with your father?’

‘It’s a long complicated story.’

‘Is it something you can’t talk about?’

The misplaced pity in his voice took Ianto back and shook him, momentarily. ‘Oh. No. Nothing like that.’ Resignation swept over him. ‘It’s... Follow me.’

He led him down a side lane, into another tucked away corner of the village. They came to a halt at the edge of a line of newer looking houses. Ianto pointed at one of them. ‘Our house used to be there. This all used to be our land.’

‘What happened?’

‘That’s the complicated bit.’

‘Complicated by Torchwood standards or normal standards?’

Ianto turned to him, puzzled. ‘It wasn’t beamed up by aliens, if that’s what you mean.’

Jack chuckled and leaned back against somebody’s garden wall, allowing Ianto to tell the story in his own time.

‘Basically, I had a brief but informative crush on a friend of mine. He was not so enthusiastic and decided it would be a good idea to go around telling everyone that I’d tried it on with him. Long story cut short, a bunch of the local lads decided to teach me a lesson and cornered me a few times. When I proved that I wasn’t as much of a pushover as they thought I’d be, they decided to go about punishing me in a different way. They set a fire. It got a little out of hand.’ Ianto smiled a smile of repressed pain. ‘I survived. Not everyone was so lucky though.’

‘Who?’

‘My mother. My sister. The dog too; that one was hard to take, let me tell you.’ His attempt to make light of it didn’t reach his eyes. Jack’s hand pressed onto his back but he took care not to react.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t do that.’

‘Do what?’

‘Feel sorry for me. It was a long time ago, there’s no need.’ Ianto took a very deep breath, steeling his nerves. ‘I don’t like it when people feel sorry for me.’

‘I’m not. I’m sorry for them. And for your dad too. I take he got out?’

‘No he wasn’t there that night. See, the funny part is, for years he blamed me. Years we’d fight and argue, and he’d drink himself into a fuzz and call me every name under the sun. But then I found out that the reason he wasn’t there that night was he was sticking it to some old bag on the other side of the village. Obviously he was just angry at himself and he took it out on me. The fighting didn’t stop though so one day I took off. I found my way to London and never looked back.’ Ianto shrugged. It felt a little strange talking about this, when he’d been very careful not to for so many years. ‘He died last year. Liver disease.’

They lapsed into companionable silence, each staring at the fashionable new homes built over the site of Ianto’s family tragedy.

‘Fuck, this was supposed to be about reminding you of the good times,’ Jack groaned.

‘Well... the twigs were nice.’

Jack grinned and found himself pulling him closer, placing them hip to hip as he rubbed circles on his back. Though they had rarely had this sort of proximity throughout the time they’d known each other, it didn’t feel at all unnatural.

‘So, what’s next?’ Ianto asked, finally. ‘I know you made some sort of list of things you wanted to do with me today.’

Though he thought it was probably inappropriate, Jack couldn’t help but leer at that. If he had made the kind of list he was now imagining it would probably have been quite expansive, he thought.

‘Not that sort of list.’ Ianto chuckled and smiled. It was a far more genuine smile than Jack had ever seen before and he decided he liked it. ‘Although...’

‘Ianto Jones, are you coming onto me?’

‘No. But my twig seems to like you.’ Ianto snickered and took off down the lane, leaving him to follow behind yet again.

‘We’re a bit a head of schedule now but our next stop is back in Cardiff.’

‘We can take the scenic route if you like?’

‘Sounds good to me.’

Ianto allowed himself to return the smile Jack was giving him. The empty hole inside was still there, of course. He couldn’t claim that he wasn’t looking forwards to jumping.

_To seeing her again maybe._

That was no reason not to enjoy the day and enjoy the unexpected company though. In many ways, he felt a little awed that the high and mighty Jack Harkness was taking time out to do this for him. Yes, he’d make the most of it and let it happen, he decided.

***

As it turned out, the next stop also included performing a favour for Jack. They walked along together in Gorseth Park, over to a wooden bench with a chess board set on the tabletop, where Ianto was introduced to an old man with dark skin, pure white hair and a wooden cane. The man, Eric he called himself, gave Jack a warm greeting which made it obvious they had met more than once before. Then Ianto sat by as Jack and Eric played a game of chess. It ended in Jack being very roundly defeated.

‘Damn it!’ Jack yelled, but was laughing over it.

‘My reign as champion remains as ever,’ Eric chuckled and shook his hand.

Jack turned to Ianto, grinning widely. ‘I’ve played this guy a hundred times and I’ve never beaten him once.’

Ianto kept tight-lipped. Having watched Jack in action, he could see why. Not that he would ever say that out loud.

‘I was hoping you might give it a go, since you were a Junior Champion once and all...’

Yet another piece of information Jack had spirited out of nowhere, apparently. Ianto sighed and nodded. ‘I doubt I’ll be much good. I haven’t played in years.’

‘Ah you never forget how to play chess. If you win I’ll be sure to make sure all this was worth your while,’ he leered in that way only Jack could, and which was beginning to make Ianto a little giddy every time it was directed at him.

They all switched seats and the game was begun. And although it took over an hour, with several lengthy pauses to work out strategy by them both, Ianto prevailed.

The moment Eric conceded Ianto found himself stuck in a bearhug. Since Jack was much broader than him, and his greatcoat so vast, it was like being swallowed by a whale, kind of - if whales were warm and smelled incredibly good. ‘That was amazing!’ Jack enthused and cranked his head around to the old man now glaring grumpily at the chess board. ‘Ha! We beat you!’

‘ _He_ beat me. _You’re_ still eighty four games down.’ He snorted and turned to Ianto, some form of grudging respect in his expression. ‘You know your chess, kid.’

Ianto shrugged, impassively. ‘It was a challenging game. Thank you, Sir.’

That seemed to impress Eric. ‘Sir, eh? I think I could get to like you.’ He held out his hand and Ianto took it in a friendly shake. ‘I don’t get beat too often. Rematch?’

‘Ahhh well...’

‘Sorry Eric, I have plans for this one.’ Jack grabbed him around the waist and pulled Ianto close, grinning at him.

‘Fair enough.’ Eric shrugged. ‘Ianto, how about tomorrow?’

‘I’m afraid that won’t be possible. I won’t be here tomorrow.’ He smiled, even as Jack stiffened beside him.

‘We uh... we need to go. Bye Eric.’

Jack spun them around and they were marching away at a pace. Ianto went as he was directed even though he could tell Jack was fighting the urge to yell at him.

When they reached the end of the path leading out of the park, Ianto decided couldn’t stand it anymore. Jack just didn’t have the right to be angry, he was just being truthful about the situation.

‘You think a trip home and a game of chess in the park would somehow convince me that life is worth living?’ Ianto said, finally, deciding to just get the conversation threatening to burst out between them in the air.

They came to an abrupt halt and Jack gripped him by the forearms hard enough to bruise, glaring at him. All kinds of emotions and questions were passing across his eyes and he seemed about to say something. Ianto kept his gaze, as hard as it was, determined not to back down when he knew for certain he was not in the wrong here.

‘I’ve been planning this for over two weeks. Every detail. Why would I give all that up now?’ he said, trying to explain.

And suddenly Jack was shaking him. ‘You listen to me. That’s ridiculous! Nobody spends two weeks preparing to kill themselves!’ According to his experiences, suicide was very much a spur of the moment thing. He just couldn’t understand what was going on in Ianto’s head and it was beginning to frustrate him. Because he had actually been really enjoying their day out together, to the extent at which Jack had even forgotten why they were doing it until just then; until that moment Ianto dragged it all up again and smacked him in the face with it.

‘There were a lot of preparations that needed to be completed for Torchwood,’ Ianto tried to explain, calmly. ‘It would have been remiss of me to just leave without ensuring there would be no transitional problems for you and the team.’

‘Oh for the love of... You make coffee for crying out loud, how much of a transitional problem could there be?’

Jack knew instantly that he’d said the wrong thing when Ianto’s eyes went dead and he took on that same vacant look he’d had sitting astride that beam, sixty feet above the ground. ‘Yes, yes I do.’ He turned away.

‘Ianto,’ he sighed and put a hand on his shoulder to stop him walking away. ‘I didn’t mean it like that. I know you do more than that. It’s just... I was enjoying spending time with you today. We’ve never done this before and we should have.’

‘For what it’s worth, I was enjoying it too. Very much,’ he admitted, not quite turning to face him.

‘But I don’t like the idea of you just waiting it out until you can get up there and try again.’

Ianto recognised a hint of hurt bubbling up beneath Jack’s carefully measured tone of voice. Inexplicably he felt himself react to it, wanting nothing more than to stop Jack feeling that way. ‘It’s not like that, I promise.’ Ianto finally moved back to him and put a hand on each side of Jack’s broad shoulders, looking him straight in the eye. ‘It does... _mean_ something to me. All this I mean. That little list you made this morning and... and you being here with me. You have much more important things you could be doing today and... I’m not ungrateful. For that reason alone I don’t want to lie to you about my intentions. I won’t.’

‘I already told you, you’re important to me. More important than anything else, at least for today. I’m doing this to make you see that.’ His voice had softened considerably and a small, almost shy smile had pleasantly curled his lips.

Without even really thinking about it, Ianto leaned forwards just enough to close the distance between them and gave Jack a chaste kiss on the lips. ‘Thank you,’ he said.

The Captain looked far more surprised than Ianto had expected him to. It amused him a little. Ianto shrugged and nodded over towards the food stall across the way. ‘Lunch?’

‘Uh, sure.’

They ate sandwiches together, mostly in expectant silence, with Jack casting strange little glances his way every now and then like he wasn’t quite sure if he’d imagined the kiss, or imagined Ianto, or both. Ianto wasn’t quite sure what he’d say to explain why he’d felt the need to do that, if he was asked, so he was grateful that the Captain didn’t. It wasn’t so much that he wanted to kiss Jack, or that he really believed him when he claimed he was important to him. It was more in thanks for the lie that, for one day, he could possibly mean more to him than anything else. Ianto knew that, in actuality, Jack wouldn’t really mourn his passing beyond a day or two. Torchwood would go on. Life would go on.

It was a beautiful lie nonetheless.

After lunch, they dropped the SUV off on a street near the Hub, since Owen had finally noticed it was missing and demanded it back via text message. It didn’t matter, since they could take buses for the rest of the trip. Jack produced a pamphlet for an exhibition on classic British cars on the outskirts of the city. It made Ianto blush a little that Jack had made that part of his plans, since it was only something he’d mentioned in passing a while back. He’d even somehow managed to get them a private showing, allowing them time to sit in the exhibitions, even the old 1920s models, and drive one or two of the classic jags in the range behind it.

Ianto had always had a fondness for nice cars, though he’d never had the means to indulge it until he got his job at Torchwood One. He delighted in filling Jack in on the little details about the various models, showing him exactly. Jack wasn’t particularly up on cars of any era, being more into planes, so he seemed to enjoy the lesson. Especially when Ianto found himself playing along with all of the innuendo about gearsticks and the wipe-clean potential of full leather interiors.

By the end the assistants were clearly glad to see the back of them, and they left grinning.

‘The one on the left looks shocked,’ Jack observed, glancing back towards them as he and Ianto made their escape. ‘The other one looks interested.’

Ianto looked back and snickered behind his hand. ‘You do make an impression with the swishy coat.’

Jack’s eyebrows slowly climbed and the grin redirected itself right onto Ianto. ‘I don’t think it was _me_ he was interested in.’

That made Ianto blush, however hard he tried not to. ‘Nonsense,’ he chuckled.

‘I always said you look good in a suit. Looks like I have some competition.’

A hand came to rest in the small of his back as they walked. Ianto thought he probably should shrug it off. Yet he didn’t. He couldn’t. That surprised him a little. ‘You mean the young blonde one? He just wanted me for my car... my ex car.’ He sighed. It had been tricky getting rid of the Chrysler and he’d purposefully left doing that part of the preparations last for that reason. Ianto cleared his throat to avoid an awkward moment and gave Jack a smile.

The hand on his back began to move in small, soothing circles. ‘First thing I’m getting back for you tomorrow.’

Ianto opened his mouth to argue that there was no point but never got that far. There was no need to spoil the mood. And he really had enjoyed playing with all the vintage cars.

They went over to the bus stop together and stood under the shelter. It was a fairly remote side of Cardiff, situated in a way that caught the edge of the wind coming from the countryside around the city. Ianto soon found himself fighting off the shivers.

He looked at the Captain with genuine bemusement as his greatcoat was extended around him and he was invited into a cocoon of warmth. Ianto put up a token resistance and then allowed himself the indulgence of leaning into him, burying his cold nose into Jack’s neck with silent relief. ‘Thanks,’ he slurred, sleepily, liking very much how easily he slotted into the wider, more bulky frame inviting him close. ‘So, what’s next?’

‘Mm?’ Jack sighed. ‘Oh, uh... ah yes, next is a slight detour actually. We’re going to go do something that _I_ very much enjoy.’

‘Sex?’

Jack’s chuckle boomed all the way through his chest and vibrated against him. ‘Not this time.’

‘Give me a clue.’

‘It involves getting all hot and sweaty and naked.’

A pause. ‘Sex?’

‘And people call me obsessed! No, it’s not sex. Not that I’d object if you want to take a quick detour somewhere?’ Jack did a quick expression-check in the hopes that Ianto might be indicating he’d like to go for that, but found no hints forthcoming. ‘I think you’ll enjoy it.’

‘I’m sure I will. You’ve definitely intrigued me. Can I have another clue?’

‘Nope.’ He unceremoniously pushed Ianto out of his coat, earning himself a hard glare. ‘That’s our bus.’

Ianto spent the ride trying to guess where they were going. The only thing he could really think of was that they were going to be doing some sort of nudist marathon, which didn’t really appeal to him at all. Jack just grinned and let him tie himself in knots, enjoying the game.

They got off near the city centre. He led Ianto over the road and down a dark back alley which didn’t seem to lead anywhere. Jack smirked over Ianto’s perturbed expression and grabbed hold of his hand to reassure him. He took a moment to wonder when it had become so easy to touch him when they had been virtual strangers not too long ago. Jack felt entirely at ease with him; strange considering the slightly surreal situation. That wasn’t always a given with him. Even with Gwen, a person whose need for contact seemed fused into all her interactions, he had been a little reticent at first. For all the flirting and banter, he’d never really had cause to touch Ianto before and so he never really had.

‘Are you going to tell me where we’re going or shall I just assume this is just a short cut?’ Ianto asked, pulling him out of his unwitting haze of thoughts.

‘Partly. Have patience. You’ll see in a moment.’ Jack led him around the corner, into another part of the alley leading down towards a road. They stopped halfway down and Jack seemed to hold his breath, waiting expectantly for an opinion.

‘What?’ he asked, seeing nothing.

Jack pointed to something above him and Ianto had to crane his neck to see. He caught sight of a garish neon light reading “Paradise”. Then a door he hadn’t seen for the surrounding shadows opened.

‘Welcome to Paradise,’ Jack said.

‘What is this...?’ His dubiousness about it all showed in his face.

‘The best beauty and massage parlour in Cardiff.’

Suddenly Ianto was catapulted inside by the enthusiastic Captain and before he knew, he was being manhandled by two pretty women and one good looking young man, who all knew Jack by name and welcomed him like a brother coming home. They were pushed into a side room filled with frosted glass cubicles and he was directed to get undressed and slip on the towel provided. The three assistants left him and Jack alone after a few moments.

Ianto tried to protest but Jack was already flinging off his clothes inside one of the cubicles and telling him how much he enjoyed coming to this place. In the end he did as he was told and put on the towel but Ianto felt terribly uncomfortable. He delayed leaving the cubicle as long as he could, trying to explain to Jack why this wasn’t a good idea without actually telling him why.

When he was finally coaxed out into the open, he watched as Jack’s expression steadily faltered. The Captain padded towards him, staring, quite obviously shocked at the pattern of yellowing bruises all over his back and shoulders. ‘Wh... when did this happen?’

He lowered his eyes, guiltily and swallowed hard. ‘Brecon Beacons.’

‘What? But that was over two weeks ago.’

Ianto shrugged.

‘You never said a word.’

All those times he’d wished someone had noticed his pain, or at least asked if he was alright, and now wished the opposite. He hated the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach and the surprised, hurt look in Jack’s eyes. ‘It’s fine. They don’t hurt anymore.’

Suddenly large, very warm hands were being pressed against his skin, and fingers were tracing the line of bruises. ‘How did this happen?’ Jack asked at a whisper.

‘Uh... I was alone with them for a while. The man, the c-cannibal had a-a-a baseball bat.’ He declined to elaborate, unwilling to live through that again. Ianto felt an approaching pain in his chest remembering what happened and had to push it away hard, unwilling to go through all that again.

It had been so simple before, sitting on that beam, ready to die. The memories didn’t hurt then. Now they did and he hated it; hated Jack for making him feel again when before he’d almost made it all go away. Ianto flinched away and went back behind the screen. ‘This was a mistake,’ he muttered.

Jack followed him around and he turned to tell him to get out while he put his clothes back on, but was stopped in his tracks seeing the expression on his face. The unshed tears in his eyes. All of a sudden, he found himself being drawn into a heavy embrace. Tight enough almost to suffocate.

‘I’m sorry,’ Jack whispered and buried his face in Ianto’s shoulder. ‘I should have noticed. I should have seen it. I should have known about Suzie... the state of mind she got herself into. I... I’m trying so hard to be a good leader and I just keep... keep fucking it up. Every turn. Shit.’

Despite his better judgement, Ianto wrapped his arms around him and held on tight, hoping to lend Jack some peace of mind. It didn’t really matter anymore and he didn’t want Jack feeling guilty over him. He didn’t deserve that. ‘Not true. Things have been going wrong lately, maybe. But for what it’s worth, I think you’re an exceptional leader. You’ve taken a lot of tough decisions in the time I‘ve known you. More often than not things have worked out. Suzie’s actions... well, they were her own choice and that’s all there is to it.’

‘And what about you?’

‘Me?’

Jack pulled back and stared at him, so hard Ianto thought he could see right through him into his mind. ‘You didn’t choose to get banged up. That was my fault. It was a bad call to send you and Tosh off together like that, a bad call and it could have got you killed...’

They were kissing before Jack could finish or even draw breath, and Ianto seemed just as surprised over it, even if he had been the initiator. All he knew was, he didn’t want Jack going and blaming himself for things that weren’t his fault. And he didn’t want him to feel guilty, the way he had when Lisa died, because it wasn’t fair for anybody to feel that way, especially not a sweet, caring man like the Captain. This man who had gone out of his way to try and give him the day of his life. He didn’t want him to have the burden of other peoples’ actions on his shoulders, especially not his own. Ianto wasn’t sure why he was trying to communicate that in a kiss, however he got the feeling Jack understood him more this way. Perhaps more than if he had simply explained it.

It was a long kiss and far deeper than Ianto had expected or intended, but all the better for it. There was something in the way Jack kissed, Ianto knew from observation, which was normally powerful and a little controlling. He would use his hands to take possession of someone’s head and neck and direct the entire thing from start to finish. This was different; disarmed. Ianto was the one holding onto him and leading the connection.

A lot of his old perceptions about Jack changed in those few moments. He had always seen him as a very dominant personality. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of the vulnerable person clinging onto him, all barriers down, all fears exposed. All Ianto could do was try to live up to the massive trust Jack was showing him by absorbing it and making no judgements.

‘You listen to me,’ Ianto gasped as he pulled back for breath. He caught sight of his own saliva shimmering on Jack’s lower lip and it made him tingle right down to his belly. He completely lost his train of thought for a second. ‘Um... Look. There’s no need for you to do this to yourself. It’s not worth it. None of it’s your fault, alright? You have to accept that.’

‘How can I? Can you honestly tell me that you’ve changed your mind about... about...?’

‘I said I wasn’t going to lie to you. And no I haven’t changed my mind. But I don’t have words to thank you for giving me this day. It’s been... it’s been... thank you.’ He dared to kiss Jack again and, to his relief, the Captain responded. ‘Let’s not spoil things now, alright? I was enjoying myself and I thought you were too.’

Jack put a hand on his shoulder and then let it drift down his arm until he was holding Ianto’s hand. ‘Alright. If that’s what you want.’

‘Yes.’ He smiled with relief that the situation had been diffused. ‘I may not be in a fit state to have a massage without traumatising the staff, but there must be something else to do around here.’

‘Ah yes. As a matter of fact there is. You remember I mentioned sweat would be involved...?’

The next thing he knew Ianto had been dragged out and down a corridor into a hot sauna. Jack lay down and made himself comfortable in a way which told Ianto he’d been there a dozen times before. Self-consciously, he took a seat near the door and let the heat overwhelm him.

After a few minutes, he looked over to find Jack staring at him, grinning. ‘What?’ he asked.

‘Damn you look hot like that.’

‘Everybody looks hot in a sauna.’

Jack barked a laugh as he conceded the point with a sideways nod. Then, he whipped off his towel and stretched out on it, happily making an exhibition of himself. ‘Much better,’ he sighed. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Ianto roll his eyes and chuckle to himself. That only served to spur him on. ‘You know it’s so much better without the towel.’

Ianto gave him funny look while he struggled not to give into his natural urge to be embarrassed. He wasn’t about to let Jack get to him, so he stood up, carefully removed and arranged his towel on the seat, and sat back down. He confidently returned the smug looks being sent his way.

There was a long silence, and then Jack turned to him, smiling like a naughty schoolboy. ‘Nice cock.’

For some reason Ianto nearly swallowed his own tongue. He burst out laughing and had to cover his mouth with his hand to control himself. ‘That’s not exactly normal Sauna room etiquette, Sir.’

Jack shrugged, his grin nearly splitting his face. ‘No. But if it were, I should think the polite thing to do next would be to comment on mine.’

There was no way he was falling into that trap, Ianto decided. His resolve didn’t last more than a few seconds though before he couldn’t help but turn to Jack. He didn’t quite allow his eyes to focus in on that particular area but his peripheral vision told him everything he needed to know about it. Ianto tried and failed to suppress a smirk.

‘Hey Ianto, am I imagining things or do you have a tattoo on your stomach?’ Jack asked.

‘Oh ah... yes.’ Ianto looked down, as if he needed to, and then across to Jack.

He was straining to get a look at it. ‘What does it say? Can’t see from here. And the steam...’

‘Um... it’s a name.’

‘Whose name?’

‘Just... someone important to me.’

The frown that turned Ianto’s expression dark said a lot to Jack and he felt a little sorry he brought it up, even if he wasn’t to know. ‘You know, you never did tell me about Lisa,’ he said, gently. ‘She must have been pretty special.’

‘Yes. She was. Beautiful, in and out. She had no business being with me, let me tell you.’ He smiled, sadly. ‘She wasn’t perfect, mind. Had her moods. But she saw so much in me, just being around her made me a better person. I’m sure you know what it’s like to be in love.’

‘Yeah. Yeah, I do,’ Jack said, and found himself sighing with his memories. ‘How did she die?’

For a long time Ianto seemed frozen, eyes pressed tightly closed, body stilled, seeming not even to breathe. ‘Canary Wharf,’ he told him, eventually.

He was surprised to see his own pain mirrored in Jack’s face.

‘A lot of people died there. A girl I knew... she was... very special.’

‘What was her name?’ Ianto’s curiosity was peaked.

‘Rose. Rose Tyler. I uh... didn’t find out ‘til a while later, when I was looking through the deceased lists. That was... hard.’ Jack looked at Ianto was nothing but understanding. ‘I’m sorry about Lisa. You’ve no idea how sorry I am.’

Ianto just nodded, not knowing what to say to that.

They passed the time after that in companionable silence. Once they could take the heat no more, they leapt into the cold pool side by side and then Ianto let Jack talk him into having a facial, even if he found the whole idea amusing.

By the time they left, it was nearing seven and long since grown dark outside. Jack decided to take Ianto to the bar they had first met in just over a year ago, when Jack had interviewed him for his position at Torchwood Three. He tended to conduct his interviews in bars, since it was easier to Retcon someone he didn’t like that way.

He treated Ianto to a meal because Ianto had closed his bank accounts and was virtually peniless. At first things felt a little awkward because of this but they soon lapsed into easy conversation about all kinds of topics. Jack was enjoying Ianto’s sense of humour, and the way he could find a come-back for every statement he made, no matter how outlandish. He forgot all about the reason for their being there until the bill was paid, the tip deposited and the complimentary mints long since pocketed. Then he just felt enormous sadness emanating from the pit of his stomach, because he still didn’t think Ianto had changed his mind about ending his life. That slightly haunted glint in his eye, which had been with him all day, returned after the meal was over and Jack knew exactly what it meant.

On Ianto’s suggestion, Jack made one last phone call to check everything had been alright at the base. Owen wasn’t answering - probably on the pull somewhere - so he called Toshiko. She confirmed that everything had been fine. For once, not a lot had occurred.

Then, because Ianto decided he wanted to change clothes, Jack found himself trailing after him for the walk back to his flat about two miles away. Ianto seemed more tense than before and he kept falling away into his daydreams on the way. Jack hoped it was because he was having second thoughts, even if he was finding no real evidence to indicate this. Indeed, he was finding it difficult to read him at all, in any capacity. Ianto was very good at reigning himself in and hiding all possible tells as to his state of mind or emotion if he wanted to. Jack had a feeling he’d be able to see through that barrier if he spent more time with him. More than that, he was beginning to wonder if he might have discovered something truly special underneath those carefully managed layers.

Time was of the essence now and he knew it in his bones. For the first time in decades, perhaps, Jack really felt the seconds ticking by. With it he felt fear; fear that if it came to it, he wouldn’t have the strength to stop Ianto. He knew the lure of death; of an ending away from all the pain; an escape from haunting memories. Even if, for him, such endings were unnaturally transitory.

For Ianto there would be no coming back though. And despite his promise to let him do as he wished if he couldn’t convince him that his life was worth more than that, Jack wasn’t sure he would be able to keep that pledge. It would be too painful to see such potential fire extinguished before its time.

So he followed him home, despite the growing awkwardness between them, plotting more with every step. What was needed was a distraction. That was all. Something suitably... diverting.

As Ianto fumbled with his keys, Jack made his move, pressing up against his back, hot breath causing goosebumps on the back of Ianto’s neck. The door opened and Ianto stepped inside. He turned around, expression quizzical. ‘What are you doing?’ he breathed.

‘Nothing,’ Jack said, and smirked to make clear that he was fully aware that was a complete lie.

Ianto raised an eyebrow in dispute but decided not to press it. He shook his head and stepped inside. Once more Jack followed closely, not taking the chance that he might be denied access.

The place was spotless, filled with furniture but no ornaments or pictures whatsoever. It looked like a show home, which Jack didn’t think fitted with him at all somehow. So while Ianto went to his bedroom to change his clothes, Jack snooped. He found nothing in the living room or kitchen to indicate that the place was lived in, which just irritated him. Then he spotted a pile of cardboard boxes through the crack in the door to the linen cupboard.

Curious, Jack went in and was surprised to find dozens of paintings piled up against the wall on one side. All were done in the same style, quite clearly by the same hand and the same set of paints. They were all initialled “IJ”. Jack chuckled incredulously; of all the talents he might have expected of Ianto Jones, painting had been a long way down the list. The first few piles were colourful and filled with life. Mostly landscapes, still life scenes and portraits, most often of a woman with richly dark skin and an expressive smile or another young beautiful woman with blonde hair and strange eyes painted entirely white. For some reason the latter reminded him of someone, though he couldn’t put his finger on who.

In the fourth pile he found some more muted paintings of Cardiff Bay and the surrounding area. He soon came upon a rather good painting of Toshiko and which made him grin, and then one of Suzie with the metal glove — later nickname the Risen Mitten. Ianto had got the pose she took on when she was working perfectly, except in his portrayal her concentration was broken by a soft, delicate smile and a sidelong glance that made her look playful. It was an amazing likeness and hurt him all the more for it.

A few paintings more and he came across one with stopped his heart for a second. Ianto had painted him too; large and heroic, coat billowing around him, serene amongst a mess of stormy weather and what looked like comets and fire. Jack was no expert in art but he suspected there was something important in the way he looked unflappable in amidst chaos. In a way he was touched by the consideration, and more than a little flattered that Ianto had made him look so good.

After that there were more paintings of the blind woman with blonde hair, usually with tears streaking down her face. Always the same. Jack wondered who she was, and guessed that she was a remnant of some past guilt; tears he wished had never been shed perhaps, recreated forever in his enduring memory.

‘Jack?’

The sound of his name called out startled him and he quickly crept back out of the cupboard. He did his best not to look at all guilty. Only when he saw Ianto had put on a suit with a matching waistcoat, along with a black shirt and purple tie did he remember the diversionary part of his tactics.

However Ianto was already halfway towards the door. ‘Time to go,’ he said.

‘Where to?’

‘Back to...’ he caught himself mid-sentence and changed track, ‘for a walk.’

Jack inwardly cursed himself for getting distracted himself and missing his moment. He strode over to Ianto, a leer plastered on his face. ‘So soon? I was kind of thinking we could find spend some time here.’ His fingers danced lightly over Ianto’s immaculate cuff and down to take his hand in his.

‘Ordinarily I’d like that,’ Ianto said, lightly, his eyes momentarily flaring dark with lust, ‘but I... have things to do.’

‘No you don’t.’ He moved in a little closer, slipping his other hand inside Ianto’s jacket and snaking it around his waist. ‘Nothing at all.’ Jack gently backed him against the door, pressing his body close to his and brushing his nose against the stubbled cheek.

Ianto gulped, loudly.

‘Why don’t we stay here a while? Just you and me.’ What he was doing wasn’t subtle, that much he knew, but Jack wasn’t in the mood for subtle. He rubbed his thigh up and down between Ianto’s legs and ran his fingers upwards along his spine. He fixed his eyes on the soft flesh of Ianto’s neck and made a promise to himself that, no matter what, that tender skin would bear his mark. Inch by inch he edged towards it, delivering tiny kisses and bites, making himself wait...

Suddenly Ianto was out of his arms and stepping away. He took a moment to compose himself, having to breathe deeply to rid his cheeks of their flush. ‘Don’t make this any harder than it needs to be,’ he gasped. ‘For your sake.’

Ianto slipped out of the front door, not even bothering to close it behind him, and bolted down the corridor and out into the night. Jack ran along behind him and grabbed him by the forearms, spinning him around to face him. ‘You’re still planning to... to go through with that? What? What the fucking hell did I do wrong?!’

‘Nothing...’

‘Nothing?’ He shook him. ‘Tell me. Please...’ Jack looked him right in the eye and let all his barriers go down. ‘I don’t want you to.’

‘You don’t even know me,’ Ianto whispered.

Two girls wandering down the street walked past, obviously whispering about them. Ianto saw them first and glared at them, and Jack took over as soon as they came into his view.

‘I’ve tried to get to know you, Ianto. That’s what this day was about, you know that. I’ve tried. Why won’t you let me in?’ Jack grabbed him and slammed their bodies together, holding him tight enough to bruise judging by the pained yelp it produced. ‘You can feel this thing between us just as well I can. Don’t deny it.’

‘It’s not...’

‘You want me, Ianto Jones. I can feel it. I can smell it.’ Jack growled as Ianto tried to pull away. ‘I’m not going to let you do this...’

Fire ignited behind Ianto’s eyes. ‘Fuck you.’

‘If you’d prefer.’

‘Don’t do this,’ Ianto hissed. ‘You don’t understand.’

An old man with eyes wide as saucers passed by, staring. ‘What the hell are you staring at?’ Jack yelled at him, making the man hurry along much quicker.

He turned back to Ianto. ‘You think it’ll all go away? You think death is some big wonderful escape? Well let me tell you something, it’s fucking nothing. It’s empty. It’s snakes in a black pit. It’s intangible, stinking, hellish, _death_. You can’t tell me you want that more than you want this.’ He grabbed the half-hard bulge of Ianto’s crotch with no mercy. ‘This is life. It’s scary. It’s raw feeling and emotion, but it’s better. It’s better. Believe me, I know.’

‘You don’t know anything. You think you can just fuck me and suddenly, alleluia, my life will be worth living?! You self-centred, arrogant... If I had jumped like I planned to this morning you wouldn’t even have noticed by now, so don’t try to tell me that care so much about me after one day, because I’m not that gullible.’

‘Ianto, would you just...’ Jack had to renew his hold on him to stop Ianto from escaping, ‘...fucking listen to me?’ I do care. You... you spent the whole time keeping yourself under the radar, what the hell did you expect from me before? None of us knew you. But you’re so much more than I ever suspected. And you’re _not_ going through with this. Understand? I’m not letting you do it...’

Of all the times in his life Jack had been punched in the face, the blow Ianto landed on him then rated highly amongst those that surprised him most. Jack spun around and landed in a heap on the floor. He had to check his jaw to be sure it was still in the right place. Jack looked up at him with pure shock, unable to believe quite how well aimed and how strongly it had been delivered. That was yet another talent he had never known about and wished he had.

‘Jack... You may be right about a lot of things but there’s one thing you’re completely wrong about. It... it won’t be empty. I know that for sure. She’ll be there...’

‘Who? Lisa?’

‘I... I’m sorry.’ Ianto backed away, more than a little distraught. ‘I have to do this. I’m sorry. Goodbye, Sir... Jack.’

By the time Jack had made it back onto his feet, Ianto had sprinted away and was long gone into the night. For some reason though, he couldn’t help smiling. Finally Jack had seen what he’d been looking for all day in Ianto’s eyes.

Uncertainty.

His lip was bleeding and passing strangers were looking at him strangely. Jack forced himself to stumble up onto his feet and pull himself together. The first cold prickles of rain hit the back of his neck and he sensed thunder was on its way. Seemed fitting somehow.

His hand automatically went for his pocket and grasped hold of the psychic pendant he’d carried with him all day. He put it around his neck and tried to focus through the mess of voices, mostly of tired people coming home late from work or excited people on their way out for the evening. Ianto was not immediately forthcoming so he took a gamble and went back in the direction of the tower building he’d first found Ianto preparing to jump off.

_Should have stayed. Helped him up. Shouldn’t have hit him. He’s been so kind. Wasn’t fair. Should have stayed. Damn him. Can’t do this again..._

Jack fixed his mind onto the disparate voice, following it. When he knew he was getting close, he suddenly felt a jolt and the voice went silent.

For one terrible moment, he thought it was all over.

_Here? Thank you. Thank you._

He broke into a run, knowing he was close and the fear of being too late causing a burst of adrenalin through him. The chaotic mutterings grew loudest when he reached a condemned tower block with graffiti on the side of it, just off the beaten track.

Only when Jack was already inside and travelling up the lift did he realised that the graffiti was bothering him. The words... they were familiar somehow...

_Last time to feel the rain on my skin. Feels wonderful. I feel calm again. Calm. Oh Captain, I’m sorry, I’m not strong enough to stay for you. She wants me with her..._

‘She’s dead,’ Jack growled, as if Ianto could hear him. ‘She’s gone. Don’t do this.’ The elevator ground to a halt on the top floor and Jack fled out of it, seeking the stairs up and out onto the roof.

He arrived at his destination under a large bowed shelter which covered half of the roof, set in place to support a phone signal antennae. 

Jack found Ianto’s jacket, tie and waistcoat hung up next to the door, out of the thick sheet of rain pounding down.

_Not long now. Need to go. Jack... Jack... You were too good for me anyway. Not long now. Must go._

Ianto was standing out near the edge, swaying a little on his feet, arms held out from his sides, fingers spread apart. He was wet through.

‘Ianto,’ Jack called out. ‘Ianto, don’t move.’

He turned around to him, expression guilty.

‘Please don’t do this.’

_Doesn’t understand. Can’t make him understand._

‘You’re right, I don’t understand.’ Jack edged towards him a little.

_Don’t. You’ll get wet. Your coat. The wool... Don’t._

He took his coat off in answer and hung it up with Ianto’s jacket. Jack stepped out into the rain, moving slowly closer with every step.

 _Why? Why do you care so much? I’m nothing to you_ , Ianto thought, not quite meeting his eyes.

‘That’s not true and you know that.’

 _This day... this day has been special._ Finally he looked up at him, blinking through the rain.

Jack nodded and stretched out his hand to press his palm to Ianto’s cheek.

_You’re all wet._

‘Everybody’s wet in the rain.’

 _It suits you._ Ianto smiled shyly but pulled away as Jack tried to kiss him.

His mind went blank as he turned back towards the building’s edge for a moment, sighing. Then, suddenly, he launched himself at Jack and kissed him with passion enough to take his breath away.

All Jack could hear amidst the rain was Ianto’s voice in his mind, saying, _need this, need you, can’t help it, can’t stop_ , in a cacophonic whirlwind. He ripped Ianto’s shirt at the front as Ianto unfastened his braces and fumbled with his belt.

Jack was tripped over and hit the concrete hard but the warm body writhing on top of him dulled the pain in his back entirely. Ianto fought to strip all of his clothes away from him, frenzied with want. As his last boot was flung aside Jack took his turn to grab Ianto and peel away all of his sodden clothes.

_Hold me, Jack. Hold me hold me hold me..._

Ianto rolled into his arms and clung on tight, kissing him. Their tongues were everywhere, warring and fucking and caressing all at once. Rough hands warmed Jack’s skin against the sharp prickles of cold water chilling him. Ianto’s hand moved down his stomach and fingers curled around his balls, teasing. ‘Yessss,’ Jack gasped as the hand moved upwards and grasped his hardening shaft.

_This is life. This is life. It is. I feel so much... Never wanted to. Can’t stop this..._

‘Don’t try to. Let it happen.’

_Jack, Jack... need you... need you..._

‘You have me’ He rolled him over and wrapped himself around him at the same time, half thrusting, making friction between them hot enough to burn. Jack fixed his eyes on the soft flesh of Ianto’s neck which he had promised himself to mark, and took it between his teeth.

_Yes yes yes yes yes yes..._

Ianto rolled them again, and Jack ended up lying on the pile of wet clothes they had cast off.

_For your lips... where is it..._

‘What?’ He realised Ianto’s hand was fumbling amongst the clothes and looked down, curiously. ‘What are you...?’

It made sense when Ianto pulled a small pot from his pocket. His lip balm.

_I knew you had some. You tasted of strawberry earlier. Your lips... so soft..._

‘What are you going to...?’

The sticky paste was scooped out and spread on his dick, hurriedly. Then Ianto crawled over him, making it absolutely clear what he intended to do. Jack had to hold him to stop him. ‘No, it’ll hurt you...’

_Want it to hurt. Need to feel. Need this... Let me do this..._

Jack searched his eyes and saw resolution in them. He let him go and bit back the scream threatening to burst out of him as Ianto roughly pushed down on his dick and sunk down on him, too fast for comfort. ‘Oh fuck...’

_Ohh... so full... feel you... too much... it hurts... oh Jack..._

Jack held as still as he could and looked up at the beautiful creature impaled on him, hardly believing he was real. Ianto had his eyes pressed closed and his mouth open wide, head tilted up so that the rain was running down his face in thick rivulets and dripping from his lips and chin. He tracked the water down his broad shoulders and long arms, and his smooth chest and tattooed navel, trying desperately hard to remember if he’d ever seen anything so sexy before in his entire life. The mush it was turning his brain into suggested that he probably hadn’t.

His dick and balls ached with the vice of heat pressing them while his stomach and chest quivered with anticipation. The rain hit him relentlessly, like cold needles on his skin, and it set every nerve so alight he was scarcely able to breathe.

Ianto leaned over a little and his fingers clawed at Jack’s neck until he had got hold of the pendant. This he tore away and cast aside, breaking the psychic connection. Then they were fucking with raw, pure animal abandon. Ianto kept his head tilted upwards, furrowing his brow with every pull up and biting his lower lip with every push down.

When Jack grasped hold of his cock he gasped and his eyes snapped open. Ianto leaned right over him, straining to kiss him. It wasn’t comfortable at all, none of it, so Jack held him by the shoulders and sat up to take the strain off. Ianto moaned and buried his face in Jack’s shoulder, still screwing himself on Jack’s cock hard and fast, hips gyrating in circular patterns. Jack supported his back with one hand and fisted his throbbing cock with the other, pumping him long strokes. He felt like the rain on his skin should be melting off him in steam, like Ianto’s fingernails running up his back should be cutting holes right through him, like he was burning inside and out. Jack thrust up to meet Ianto’s movements and made him cry out, loosing himself in the sensations.

Through the haze, he made out Ianto gasping, ‘Harder, harder,’ into his ear. He did exactly that and the sounds it produced from him went straight to his spine. Jack knew he was close, but when he felt the surge of warmth on his hand and Ianto start to sag against him, he lost control and slammed in as far as he could, coming and coming and coming until he thought he was going to pass out.

He slipped down onto his back again and Ianto went with him, panting. It took a moment for him to realise that the wet droplets falling onto his face weren’t raindrops, they were tears. Ianto sobbed as he kissed him, lightly and rolled away to immediately start pulling on his wet boxers and trousers, covering up in a hurry.

‘Ianto?’ Jack wished he still had the pendant on, so he’d know what was going on in his mind now. ‘Ianto, please. Talk to me.’

Jack followed his lead, putting his wet, crushed clothes back on.

‘This was a mistake,’ Ianto said, moving too close to the edge for comfort.

‘How can you say that? Ianto...?’

‘Jack... you’ve shown me a lot today. You showed me my life. You... you showed me why I lived. But... You still don’t understand.’ He winced and rubbed his forehead. ‘You’ve shown me no reason why I could possibly have a future.’

‘What the fuck was this then?’ Jack snapped, livid through fear. ‘You think that what we just did means nothing to me?’

‘No, I know it does.’ For a moment, his gaze grew very soft and loving. ‘It meant something to me too. It’s just... Look, when Lisa died, I lost my whole future. We were going to get married and have kids and live together, just the way we always wanted. That’s all gone now. I can’t have it back. You’re beautiful and perfect, and I never imagined it could be this way between us, but you can’t give me what I want. I wouldn’t expect you to. I’ll never have the life I wanted.’

‘Nobody ever does! Ianto please _please_ listen to me.’ He edged closer, hand outstretched as if in hope it would be taken. ‘I’m sorry it didn’t work out the way you wanted. I am. But do you think my life is what I always planned? Do you think Gwen’s is? Or anybody else’s is? It never works out the way we planned but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth living anyway. You _do_ have a future.’

Ianto stared down at the floor, a small laugh escaping him. ‘With you?’

‘Yes,’ Jack said, and shocked himself with how certain he sounded. _What a difference a day makes,_ he thought.

For a second he thought he’d finally got through to him. Ianto looked up and their eyes met, and he could see so much in them he’d never expected. ‘I’d like that,’ he said, finally, practically at a whisper, ‘but it’s not enough.’ He turned and stepped up onto the wall that marked the edge.

‘No!’ Jack ran at him, heart in his throat. He just managed to grab him as he started to fall backwards, and did his best to pull him back. For a second he thought he’d managed it, but he couldn’t quite regain his balance.

The next thing Jack knew they were both falling over the edge. He felt a moment of flight, and then nothing.

***

Jack came to with a spluttering choke. He found himself lying on his back, somewhere cold, staring up into a stormy night sky. He blinked the rain from his eyes and slowly sat himself up, holding his head in his hands, trying to remember how he’d come to be there.

He gasped in as he realised that he had died, again. Only this time he hadn’t seen darkness. For the first time, it hadn’t been cold and empty. Someone had been there.

_I bring life. My Jack, I bring you life._

A voice echoed through his mind and he saw Rose. She had been there somehow. He knew it.

Jack looked up and saw the graffiti on side wall of the building he had just fallen off, large and seeming to stare back at him. All at once he knew why it had bothered him before. He had heard those words before.

Cardiff. The Mayor’s office. Many many years ago.

_‘Everywhere we go, two words, following us: “Bad wolf”...’_

That had been what the Doctor said. And now he was staring at the very same words, painted in huge letters half pink and half green, shaded with black. ‘Bad wolf,’ he muttered.

Something moved in his peripheral vision and he slowly turned around, heart beating so fast it was trying to break out of his chest.

Ianto was slowly sitting himself up. He turned his head to him, expression fixed as one of confusion. ‘Jack?’ he asked, quietly.

‘Ianto? You’re...’

‘I’m alive.’ He put a hand on his head and looked himself over.

There was blood splatter all over the paving where they’d landed, and all over his clothes. There could be no doubt that had indeed just fallen twelve floors to a sticky end. Jack knew why he was alive. He had no idea why Ianto was.

For some reason he ended up looking back up at the graffiti. He watched as it seemed to glow and then dissolved away into the brick. A thought struck him and Jack put his hand on Ianto’s stomach, moving him to be able to see his tattoo under the dim light cast over them from the building.

BAD WOLF

He’d seen the tattoo when they’d been on the roof but hadn’t connected the dots before.

Something was definitely very wrong here.

***

He’d had to call Tosh to come pick them up and take them back to the Hub. Ianto went completely silent and a little catatonic, so it was left to him to fetch their clothes and make them look vaguely presentable. He didn’t look too bad all things considered but Ianto looked a complete wreck. That was to be expected, he supposed. He’d come back from the dead many times before. He knew the drill. Ianto obviously hadn’t had that pleasure before.

Toshiko was very good at not asking questions. She was still very penitent, following the business with Mary, so he knew she would do as she was asked without too much fuss. Besides, Gwen would have been with her boyfriend and Owen was a twat, so they were both ruled out. He could tell Tosh wasn’t quite sure what to make of Ianto’s behaviour but she gave them a lift back almost wordlessly.

Jack instructed her to go straight home once they were there. He needed time alone with Ianto. Again she did as she was told. Jack helped Ianto inside and sat him down on the couch across from the main workstations, taking a seat next to him.

‘We need to talk about this.’

‘I thought she’d let me go,’ Ianto muttered, quietly. ‘When I saw the writing on the building, I thought it meant she wanted me to do it.’ A tear rolled down his cheek.

‘Who is she?’

‘Bad wolf,’ he said and pressed his eyes closed. ‘She’s... everywhere. In every atom. For all of time. She... brings life.’

Jack took a deep breath, remembering what he had seen when he had been dead this time. Rose, surrounded by a light so bright it burst out of her eyes. Tears rolling down her cheeks. Then he remembered Ianto’s paintings and realised the blonde woman was the very image of the girl he had seen. It was Rose, or whoever this being with her face was. The question was, what did Ianto have to do with her?

‘Tell me everything,’ he said.

Ianto gulped and he buried himself a little further into his blanket. ‘I first saw her in the fire. I was in my room, and everything was burning, and I was choking on the smoke. My eyes hurt with it. And then she was there, in my mind. All around me. The fire stopped hurting. I’ll never forget what she said to me. She said she could see every atom of existence, and the whole of space and time. She called herself the Bad Wolf, words scattered throughout time and space. She said I was not to die; that she brings life.’ Ianto sighed. ‘I hated her for a while, for saving me and not my Ma or my sister. I couldn’t understand why. I told the therapist I got given about her and she said it just that smoke fumes. But I knew she was real. When I went back to the House, the whole place was fallen in except for my bedroom at the back, and the words were burned into the ceiling.’ He turned to Jack, that same confused expression he’d worn before stuck back on his face. ‘I don’t know why she saved me.’

‘Did you see her again?’ Jack asked, utterly transfixed.

‘Yes. Later on, when I was in London I... before I decided to turn my life around and to go to University, I didn’t live too well. I uh... got in drugs for a while. One time I overdosed. Wasn’t on purpose. I saw her that time too. She said she’d made me, atom by atom, and I wasn’t to die. I remember I asked her why she was keeping me. She said I was there for someone she loved.’ He shrugged. ‘I never understood what she meant. Anyway, stupid kid that I was, when I wanted a tattoo that year, her name seemed like an obvious choice. I saw the words again last year, on the side of a car. That was the day... the Battle at Canary Wharf, when the Cybermen came. The reason I wasn’t at work that day was because I was following that stupid car around. When the people in it finally stopped, a few hours later, to ask me why I was trailing them, the words disappeared. I rushed back but... I was too late to make a difference, or save Lisa.’ Ianto scowled, angrily. ‘She tricked me.’

‘She was protecting you.’

‘Maybe. I still don’t know why. I don’t know why she saved me this time either, I was so sure she’d let me go, you know, if I _really_ wanted it.’ Some sort of realisation dawned on him and he looked at Jack with wide eyes. ‘Hold on a minute, you fell with me...’

‘Yes, and I survived as well.’ Jack decided it was time to tell his side of the story. ‘Ianto, I’ve died dozens of times, in dozens of different ways. I’m hundreds of years old. I can’t age. And I... I saw her too.’

‘Really?’

‘Never have before, but I saw her when I was dead this time. Ianto, I know her. Or at least, I think so. Her name was Rose Tyler. A long time ago, she and I very close. I loved her dearly, like a sister. She was just this incredible person; so strong and so delicate and so filled with wonder. I would have done anything for her. We travelled together with the Doctor; the Doctor Torchwood was founded to stop. It was the happiest time of my life.’

‘Oh.’ He wasn’t quite sure how else to respond to that bombshell.

‘We got separated a long time ago but I’ve been looking for him ever since, to ask why I can’t die. I always thought he had something to do with it but... but maybe it was her. Somehow. I don’t know. I remember that the words “Bad Wolf” had been following them both through space and time though. Never knew why.’

‘Maybe they weren’t just following _them_.’

‘Hm?’

‘Well, you were with them too, right?’ Ianto jolted in a way which made it seem like he’d had a Eureka moment. ‘Wait a minute, what if she’s been keeping me alive because I know you?!’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, think about it. Bad Wolf exists in every atom in every moment in time and space, past and future, forwards and backwards, forever and always. She obviously meant for you to be kept alive. But me? I don’t know this Rose, I have no connection with her and there’s no good reason I should merit this. Unless it’s because of something I’m going to do in the future. Something connected with you.’

Jack looked at him for a long moment and rubbed his forehead. ‘That’s... I don’t know.’

Ianto suddenly got to his feet. ‘I need coffee. Want some?’

‘Uh, sure.’ Jack sat and waited patiently for Ianto to make them both a drink, wondering at his words. He was struggling to get his head around the idea, but he thought back to his training as a Time Agent and how he had been taught to see time in terms of ripples and circles, rather than linear A to B straight lines as was the natural inclination. Whatever this Bad Wolf was, it seemed inextricably linked to Rose and her will. If she was somehow given the power to see the whole of space and time, like the Doctor, and to even have a hand in shaping it, there would be certain things she would do. Ensuring he and the Doctor were safe would be foremost on that list, and that could account for his inability to die.

_I bring life. My Jack, I bring you life._

That still didn’t explain why Ianto couldn’t die either, when he had no connection to her or to any of them. Or hadn’t at _that_ point, when it happened to him. Obviously now, he had a connection to Jack... He rubbed his head again, getting a headache trying to figure it all out.

‘Here you are, Sir.’ Ianto handed him a mug, his slightly shaking hand the only part of him betraying how delicate he was feeling, and sat down beside him.

‘I think we’ve reached a point in our relationship where you can drop the Sir.’

‘You may be right.’ He sipped his coffee, thoughtfully. ‘I do have some idea why this might have happened, though I don’t know what you’d think of it.’

‘I’m all ears.’

‘I can’t say that this would have occurred to me if you hadn’t have done all you did for me today. Showed me my life, I mean. Makes me think about what Bad Wolf has always said. She says she brings life.’ There was a bright spark in his eyes which totally captivated Jack. ‘Well, what’s life at the end of the day? It’s not just breathing in and out. Not just existing. Life is all the things which happen to us, our relationships, our... loves. The impact we make on the world. Could be that Bad Wolf didn’t just give you life, Jack, she gave you _a_ life.’ He shrugged, lightly, clearly feeling a little self-conscious over what he was suggesting. ‘It just strikes me that if I were going to create a whole life for someone, over a long stretch of time, I wouldn’t want that person to be alone.’

The thought made Jack smile and a warm feeling spread right the way through him.

‘It would explain why I don’t appear to have aged much these past years either...’

Ianto’s mug dropped to the floor and shattered as Jack grabbed him and kissed him. ‘Normally I like my gifts to come wrapped in a pretty bow, but with you I’ll make an exception.’ He kissed him again.

‘Gift?’ Ianto spluttered.

‘I think you’re right. She’s directed your life for the sole purpose of giving me a companion. Fucking hell, she _made_ you for me. From scratch. I have a right to be happy.’

‘I-I-I could be wrong about that, you know,’ Ianto stammered, cheeks flushing bright red.

‘There’s no other explanation. It’s what she said!’ Jack lay down over him and squeezed him tightly in his arms, making himself very comfortable. ‘She did good. You’re just my type.’

‘I am?’

‘You like suits, and I’ve always had a thing for men in suits. You’re gorgeous, all over. Dark hair, blue eyes; my favourite combination. Your accent makes me melt. You can do just about anything. Yeah, definitely just what I like. I always noticed you, Ianto. I did. But you always seemed so... disinterested.’

Ianto’s fingers stroked through Jack’s hair and he brushed his nose against his cheek. ‘Sorry. One day I’ll tell you why.’ He wasn’t quite ready to open that can of worms just yet, though he knew he would have to tell Jack the truth about Lisa some time.

All thoughts of her fled his mind as Jack kissed him again, this time far softer than ever before. It felt incredibly natural, like there was never a time when they hadn’t been so familiar.

‘Well,’ Jack said and grinned, ‘I’m convinced.’

‘To be honest, I’m feeling somewhat persuaded as to this idea myself.’

‘Yeah? Glad to hear it. Glad you’re here, you know... still alive. I really am.’

Ianto nodded and gave him a small smile. ‘I think I am too, now I know I have a reason to live. I’m sorry I...’

‘Shhhh, forget it.’

They kissed a little while more, gently and slowly, like two people with all the time in the world, enjoying the newfound ease between them.

‘You know,’ Jack told him, finally, ‘there have been times when I’ve hated what was done to me. Living so long, I mean. It’s been hard.’ He thought of Estelle and the pain he had felt when she had died. ‘But right now, I wish I could thank her. Bad Wolf, or Rose, or whichever one of them has made this happen.’

‘Me too.’ Ianto smiled and stroked Jack’s neck. ‘Maybe, one day, we’ll get the chance to.’

‘Yeah, one day,’ Jack agreed, like they were making each other a promise. ‘One day.’

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I really hope you enjoyed this. If you did, comments are a surefire way to brighten my day. And if you don't have time for that, a Kudos only takes a second and is appreciated.
> 
> Got more time to read? I have more Jack/Ianto stories! From 2007:
> 
> Victorian Era Time Travel Love Story [24k, M] | [The Mirror in the Morgue](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28897986)  
> Time Travel Angst [12k, M] [mpreg] | [A Ray, Turned Back](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28899570/)  
> Evil Twin Shenanigans [10k, E] | [Ifan](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28899729)  
> Dark AU Hurt/Comfort [12k, M] | [They're Still Killing Suzie](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28898610)  
> Outsider POV Mystery [8k, M] | [Random Clocks](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28899876)  
> Mindbending Time Vortex Series [27k, G] | [The Aesop Fables Series](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28900332/chapters/70901193)  
> Light Porny Fun [6k, E] | [Symbiosis](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28900989)  
> Collaboration Kid Series [75k, M] | [The Caerleon Series](https://archiveofourown.org/series/2140731)
> 
> And here are some new fics for 2021:
> 
> Ianto vs The Void [14k, T]: [The Pub on the Edge of Forever](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29588298)  
> Jack Gets a Happy Ending [2k, G]: [What will become of us now (at the end of time)?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29684646)  
> Eye Candy, Companion, Time Agent... Who is Ianto Jones? [48k, M]: [The Eight Lives of Ianto Jones](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29871159)


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